Book1:TeDream-Maker (第30/166页)

istofsorrowandmencholy．

    "IfIcouldlivemylifeagain,Iwouldspenditinhappinessandenjoyment,happyandcarefreeasthoseteen-agers,”hethought．Nearhim,ayoungmotherandherone-year-oldboywerepyingtogetheronthegrasswiththeirgolderiever．Thelittleboy，justlearningtowalk,chedhischubbyfistsandmadeboxingmovements，whithisdotingmotherintopealsofmerriment．Suddeumbledandfell．Hismotherrushedtohisaid，buthesatonthegrassandugheduproariously．Thedograojointhefunandlickedhisface．Themotherpickedhimupandhuggedhimtightlytoherbreastsandhecspedhisarmsaroundhernedkissedhersmilingfacerepeatedly，hisughingeyesasbrightasthetwinklingstars．"IfIwerehe，hoy1wouldbe!”thoughtDimitri.“Icouldembracemymotherandkissher．Inprimitivetimes，thatlittleboycouldeasilyhavebeeapreyofwildbeasts．Mankindhasealongwaysihen,afteranarduousjourneyofbillionsofyearsofevolutioleone-year-oldboyisnowohresholdoflife，learningtowalk，butananimalofhisage，likethegolderiever，isalreadyabletoproliferate．Perhapstheheanimal，themoretimeitogrowup.”

    Suddenly，golden-hairedMary，hertightbluejeansandwhiteblousecameontothese，carryingabackpadrunningtoherpanionsatthebus-stop,hergoldenhairflyinginthewind．Dimitrigazedatthefamiliarform,puzzled,searghismemoryforwherehehadseenherbefore．Suddenly，aseatthezoofshedintohismind.Itwasmany,manyyearsago,whenDimitriwasstillinhisearlyteens．OnedayhewenttotheOakndZootokilltime．Suddenlyheheardwomenscreamingandsawacrowdgatheringatthecageofthechimpanzee，jostlingandexg．Feelingcurious，heweoo．Thechimpanzeewasmasturbatinghimselfvigorously．Agirlinthecrowdcoveredherfacewithherhandsbutwasstillpeekingthroughherfihechimpanzee，whichheldsomewaterinhismouth，sprayeditather，wettingherfadhair．Justthen,theschoolbusarrivedaeen-agersscrambledoncallingtooher,jostlingandughingastheycrowdedthroughthesmalldoor．Thatgirtthezoowasthesplittingimageofgolden-hairedMary，butthenofcourseitcouldn’tpossiblybe，becausethree，fourdecadeshadpassedsihen．

    Dimitrisatonthebenchtalkingtohimself.

    2

    "Amalia，Idon’treallyknowwhenmylifeonthisearthbegan，butit’sbeenalong，longtime．Myfleshcamefromyou，andwiththatbodycamefate，soul，thoughtandalltheotherattributes．Theseexistonlythroughandinapaofthefleshbody，withoutwhichfateaed．Withoutthefleshbody，alltheseattributeswouldbemeaninglessandinsignifit．Fate,forexample,hasalwaysbeenatroversiandunanswerablequestioralstatebetweeentandent．Lookingbathepast，youwillfindanobviousbuthelessexistingtrack,whichyouthinkwouldbeentbeforeyoufindit．Fateandfleshbodyareactuallytwo-in-oneandone-in-two．Ah，Amalia!myfleshisyourfleshandmyblood，yourblood．SinceIamyourfleshandblood，Imustacceptthepainthatfatehasimposedonmyfleshbody．ButyourlifeisoneofsinandIwishIcouldusemyfleshbodytoatoneforit．OnlyIdon’tknowwhetherthatispossibleornot”．

    “YouknowAmalia,Iwentbackseveraltimestothezootoobservethatchimpanzee．Sometimes，helookedsadandthoughtful，butatothertimesheseemedhappyandpyful．I’veetotheclusionthatheisphilosopher．Hemusthavefoughtlikeaeredbeastwhenhewasfirstcaptured．Butthen，hefoundmanwasstrohanhe，andthatescapetothewildwhere